Making Up is Hard to Do

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“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is a powerful act that opens up the possibility of a relationship being fully healed from the pain of conflict. Forgiveness is how you move from merely solving a problem to repairing your relationship. It’s the means of finding lasting solutions and enduring peace.
Taken from Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
(Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2011) p. 86-87.
 

If you’ve ever come alongside friends who have gone through the painful journey of divorce, or if you’ve been there yourself, you know that there are few things as challenging as the dissolution of a marriage. And while the road to restoring a relationship can reap lasting rewards, it can be challenging, too.

For the one who needs to right a wrong, it may be difficult to come to a place of humility and own the mistakes of the past, while the one asked to extend forgiveness must find a way to let go of the pain and allow God to perform a work of healing. This requires an act of selflessness and total surrender, which is never easy. But, when both partners are willing to walk the Biblical path of reconciliation, total forgiveness and healing in marriage is possible.

Food for Thought

Do you find yourself struggling in your relationship with your spouse? Or, do you know someone who needs help for their marriage? While making up is hard to do, there is help. Connect with Peacemaker Ministries, and we’ll do all that we can to get you on the road to reconciliation.

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When Winning Matters

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“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

People use attack responses when they are more interested in winning a conflict than in preserving a relationship. 
Taken from Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
(Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2011) p. 39.
 

Some people just have to have the last word. Period. They not only want to stand their ground – they want to be the last one standing. They want to be right, and even more importantly, they want to win.

In marriage, often times, the one who wins the argument loses more than what is gained. In some cases, the respect, affection, and trust in the relationship may be temporarily or permanently impacted – which is a pretty high price to pay for scoring big points in a fight.

Food for Thought

The next time you get caught in a conflict with your spouse, pause a moment to reflect on what is more important. Is it winning the argument or the heart of your spouse? Putting your marriage first is the best choice, and can be achieved by demonstrating the same grace and forgiveness that Christ has extended to you.

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Love Never Fails

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“Love never fails…” I Corinthians 13:8a

[When it comes to conflict]… Deliberate, focused love is the ultimate weapon. Instead of reacting spitefully to those who mistreat you, you can discern their deepest needs and do everything you can to meet those needs.
Taken from Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson
(Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2011) p. 106.
 

Have you ever bought a spill-proof container that started leaking like a sieve? Or, maybe you decided to try that “fool-proof” diet which turned out to be quite effective in moving the numbers on the scale… in the wrong direction! The products we buy and the plans we try don’t work perfectly every time. It’s disappointing, but not totally unexpected. It’s just life!

Even though we know that total perfection is unobtainable, there are some who have come to expect it in marriage. And while I Corinthians 13 reminds us that “love never fails,” we tend to overlook one very important fact: sometimes people do. This is why the Apostle Paul admonishes us to have the kind of love that reveals patience, kindness, selflessness and forgiveness.

Food for Thought

When you or your spouse most need an extension of grace and forgiveness, that tends to be the exact moment when it is least deserved. If both of you were perfect, there would be no need for the kind of love that keeps no record of wrong (I Cor. 13:5c). Extending grace to your spouse, even when it is hard, is a demonstration of love that never fails. It’s not always the easy choice, but it is the right one!

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Igniting the Spark

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“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Romans 12:10

 
People are different and want different things. That’s often the SPARK of conflict…
The issue isn’t that we’re different; it’s what we do with our disagreements.
Taken from Resolving Everyday Conflict
by Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2011) p. 18.

 

The spark of passionate love is essential to a thriving marriage. But, there is another spark that can enter into the relationship that can be quite damaging – an ongoing obsession with pacifying the selfish desires of the heart. Once ignited, this often results in inflammatory words, inconsiderate actions, and a host of other hurtful actions.

No marriage is free from conflict. Even when both a husband and wife make conscientious efforts to live at peace with one another, the dangerous “sparks” of selfishness flare up from time to time. Quickly snuffing them out and restoring the relationship is important to fanning the flame of love in marriage and living in a harmonious home.

Food for Thought

Which kind of “sparks” do you experience most often in your marriage? What are you doing to restore relationship after selfish “sparks” ignite?

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    • Pass it on to a friend.
    • Check out the February 17th Blog Talk Radio event featuring our CEO, Dale Pyne – click here for all the details!